Feel the hollowness inside of your heart|
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|Tuesday, June 24th, 2008|
Well, if you don't know already here it is. Kasey and I are separated. And sadly enough, I deserve it. I've had a long time (3 years or so) to get my shit together, show her that I can make a career, and just be a adult father type person. I have failed in that. Failed miserably. I haven't been there for her like I should have been. And she just finally tired of it. She's been really good about the separation thing so far, she isn't keeping me from my childer or anything like that. She says there's a real chance we can still work out as a couple, I simply need to prove that my priorities are right and that I am going to do my part to help my family. It shouldn't take her throwing me out to make me realize how badly I've done by her, but it has truly opened my eyes to how much of a fuck up I have been. It never clicked in my head that my kids are so reliant on me, the responsibility thing just never popped. And I don't know why. It should have, had it, I probably wouldn't be in this situation at all. But it has now. I have no interest in drugs or fun, all I want is my wife and kids. My current plan, is that once my urine is clean in a few weeks, I'm going to find a job in the oil field as a mudlogger. Which is the person who examines the samples of soil currently being drilled in for their contents to direct where to go from there. It's a good entry level thing that doesn't require a college degree. I'm real excited about it. It may be too little, too late, to salvage my relationship with Kasey (although I pray that isn't the case), but even if it is, I'm doing this for Richie & Nikkie. They need my help. And I am
going to do it. They deserve the best life ever. And I want to make it happen. I want my wife back. They're my whole world.
The first couple days away were pretty rough. I was a fucking wreck. Sobbing constantly, etc. But I'm doing better now. I do miss my kids a lot, and Kasey almost as much. But I'm doing what has to be done to make our lives better, and that's more than I've done ever before.
I don't think I've ever posted pictures of my kids in here, so here they be. These are from yesterday when I went to visit them. They're huge pictures, and I'm not using an LJ cut, and if you have complaints about that, please direct them to a local wall, as it may listen and I will not. Current Mood: crushed
|Sunday, January 21st, 2007|
Oh, and a very happy, slightly belated, birthday to my fave drunk Irish in the whole world! Enjoy your celebration Katrina!!!
|Monday, July 17th, 2006|
As of 4:27am this morning I will be 22. Woot. Current Mood: bored
|Saturday, June 10th, 2006|
In two weeks, I have taken the local Magic tournament's first place two times. Yay for I. Current Mood: accomplished
|Monday, February 27th, 2006|
|Saturday, February 4th, 2006|
|Thursday, December 15th, 2005|
got me my Christmas present. Two brand new 80 gigabyte hard drives, recently liberated from Wal-Mart. This is fantastic. As for my other two drives, one doesn't work, and the other has yet to be found since the hurricane. So, it appears as though I'm starting over in the computer world. Again. I'm gifting her with the gift that keeps on giving, drugs. I have little need of the powder in my freezer, and god knows I've got enough of it. puckerkitty18
is getting me a new Lenore Lunchbox. Just like the one I used to have and broke after much abuse. It'll be nice to have a box again. I've missed it.sour_skittlez
are hopefully coming up for a visit during Christmas break. I haven't seen Seth since the jaw breaking incident. I miss him and Kat a lot. forestmaiden
may even be joining us. One can hope, at any rate. I really do have awesome friends. It isn't just anyone who'd drive two or three hours just to visit me. Then stay in a cramped hotel room, sleeping in a bed with 3 other people. They have no idea how cool they are sometimes. Shit, my own parents won't drive that far to see me. And half of them are certainly financially capable. Definitely more so than Seth and Kat.
Today I learned a valuable computer lesson. When setting up a dual OS boot system, always install the older one first. I was never told this. I installed Windows 2000 on one of my new hard drives, while the master drive is running XP Pro. After installing, XP wouldn't load. I was seriously worried, as all of Kasey's and her parent's stuff was on that hard drive. The bitching I would have to hear would be monumental to say the least. I did all the general stuff first, repair installations, chkdsk, etc. No effect. I then ventured to the interweb to find the solution, and hopefully the cause. Turns out that when the older OS's bootstrap files overwrite the newer OS's this causes problems. As the older OS tends to not understand how or what the newer OS is, cause it didn't exist when the older one was made. Fortunately, this is easily remedied by copying a file or two off the XP disc into the root directory. Upon doing that, all was well in the universe again. I've almost got 2000 looking and working like I prefer it. And I can finally play 16-bit and DOS based programs again. Oh, Alpha Centauri, how I've missed ye. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Thursday, December 8th, 2005|
Well, my stitches are gone. Kasey has now removed two surgical implements from my face/head. Both staples and stitches. It's not just anyone who will remove such things. It takes a speical person. God, I love this woman. Current Mood: happy
|Saturday, November 19th, 2005|
|I don't steal from anybody.
1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.
|Wednesday, October 19th, 2005|
Not much going on. Still in this damn hotel outside of Jackson. It's pretty well confirmed that we're moving here. Or Kasey's parents are, at any rate. I want to move Kasey and myself to Hattiesburg. It's nice up here, but I have so much for me in Poplarville, Picayune, Hattiesburg area. All of my friends, excluding hatemeloveyou
live around there. And although I'd never abandon or lose my friends down there, it'd be very hard to ever get down there to see them. It's not a short trip. And god knows that I'm fucking lazy and hate driving. Kasey wants to stay here, as her family shall be here. And I am slow to abandon hatemeloveyou
, as she's in the same situation as I am with her friends. I'd be leaving her alone. I guess I really don't know what I'm going to do. There are a lot of opportunities here in Jackson. So, maybe it is best that I stay here. I'll figure it out somehow.
Last weekend britton_x
came over. Britton was drinking. Nessa and myself did our 750mg dose of DXM. Fun ensued. Nessa had only taken a dose that large once or twice before and was fucked
up. On a trip to the store, she lost her wallet 5 times in as many minutes. 'Twas hilarious. At one point, we went down to Kasey's parent's room to get a PS2 controller, when leaving Nessa decided that our room was upstairs, so the three of us ventured up stairs and walked around a bit. The usual night for us. Current Mood: tired
|Sunday, September 18th, 2005|
For those of you who don't yet know, my house was destroyed during the goddamn storm. The day before it struck I went to Stormy's and Kasey went to her Granny's house. He and I went and got a quarter bag and two cases of beer. Went back the apartment and played Soul Calibur 2 and Halo all night. The storm started around 6 am. We sat on his covered walk way and watched huge ass trees bend and break in the wind. Got really stoned, hurricanes are pretty fun when loaded as hell. When the eye passed over we went outside and played in the flooded streets. Then it was back inside to watch the wind change directions and rip stuff up for another 3 and a half hours. I had no outside contact for 3 or 4 days with anyone, couldn't leave due to roadblocks and such. Once we could, we ventured to Bogalusa to see my house and all. The house had two large trees laying in it. Not on
it, but in
it. One completely crushed the television and entertainment center. The other laid across the hallway and spare bedroom. House is devastated, obviously. After we left my non-functioning house, we went to go capture some bud. While talking to a guy who usually had some, he mentioned that the Chevron down the street had been "opened". Seeing what may be one of our only chances in life to rob & pillage without repercussion, we proceeded to get candy, beer, soda, and cigs. Only the essentials. We returned home without incident. After a few more days, Kasey came and got me. We're now up in a suburb north of Jackson, MS. The Red Cross has paid for a hotel room for us for four weeks. There are lots of refugees up here from New Orleans and surrounding areas. Many with less left than us. I feel fortunate that no one I know was hurt. And that most of my property is okay. Current Mood: tired
|Saturday, August 27th, 2005|
Current Mood: bored
|Tuesday, July 26th, 2005|
It's 7 in the bright and early. And I'm awake. Hooray. Not much out of the ordinary has happened lately. I've been seeing a lot of Chris and Devin lately. Mainly because they, like myself, are unemployed and have nothing to do during the day. Hopefully the unemployed part will be changing very soon. Later this afternoon, Devin and I are supposed to be going to hit up all the convenience stores in the area in hopes of getting hired. Should he managed to find employment too, we may have a roomate situation on our hands. Which would be too
good. He's a good kid. I got my iPod shuffle today. Yay! And at half of retail cost too. Still in box and never used. The woman who got it couldn't figure it out. I don't really much like having to use iTunes, but whatever works I guess. My cousin Jessica called to wish me a happy birthday, she was the only
caller. That isn't to say that I expected more, though it would've been nice. It was great to hear from her. She was always the family member around my age I got along best with. We hadn't spoken in at least a year and a half, and we struck up talking like we spoke everyday. She's living with my grandparents a few hours away. I'd really like to see her, but that would involve actually going to my grandparent's house. And that is just not something I can see myself doing without being drug there kicking and screaming.
Last Friday, Devin invited Kasey and myself to go to Books-A-Million in Covington. It seems that Books on Friday is the hangout for nonpreppy teenagers in Covington. I couldn't believe that kids actually hung out at a book store. And Kasey needed a copy of Harry Potter, so we went. And it was...interesting. He had said there were a lot of kids who went. I slightly underestimated however. There were like 70 kids there at peak. Just sitting outside of Books talking. That's fucking odd. When I was that age, we went to friend's houses to hang out. What possible advantage comes from sitting outside in a public place to socialize? I don't get it. Kasey got her book, I got my coffee, Devin got a few phone numbers, and the night was counted a sucess on all fronts.
I took a picture of some weed I bought today. Don't know why. It's behind the cut, as the picture is huge.
I miss Seth. Him being grounded seriously sucks. This shit needs to end.( Collapse ) Current Mood: awake
|Saturday, July 16th, 2005|
My birthday is in two days. As of now I have no definite plans as to what, or with whom I'm celebrating. Kasey got the day off, and that's all I really need. I probably won't do anything, much like birthdays past. I don't see too much cause for celebration in birthdays. Woohoo, I was born. Not like the same event doesn't happen thousands of times per day. I'll be 21, for those of you who don't know. Generally, people get very drunk on their 21st birthday. Under the pretense that they can now legally
imbibe alcohol. And I say fuck that tradition. I will be doing no drinking. Smoking, snorting, parachuting, tripping, etc. Those things, they may happen. But definitely no drinking. Kasey's been badgering me for months to pick out birthday presents. She places a lot of emphasis on celebration and gift giving. I've a few ideas, but not too much. I kinda want Mel's
10gb iPod. But with my luck I'd drop it, or it'd break within weeks of purchase. Which lead me to the idea that I want something consumable. I first passed the idea of her buying me some pure DXM, which she adamantly refused. Which was expected, she scarcely tolerates my using, much less buying it to celebrate my existence. This lead me to Salvia and some HBW Morning Glory seeds. Cheap, ingestible, and non lethal. She said she'll think about it.
I'm still jobless. And it still seriously sucks. CCTV never called me after the interview. I'm starting to get to desperation, Wal-Mart or restaurant work. Kasey thinks I'm rehirable at her location, I know
that I'm not. Monday I'm calling just to make sure though. I'd really dread doing that stuff again. The environment is so poor. It's soul destroying. Anyone know anything in the Boga or Pville area hiring that isn't horribly demeaning work?
I got really depressed today. Not normal "Richard is a mopey bastard" depressed, but really
upset. Not over much of anything. I woke up feeling shitty and down. It didn't get any better as the day progressed. Kasey tried hard to cheer me up and make me feel better. She ended up talking with me on the front porch for the better part of two hours. She offers me so much, more than I'd ever need or take. Words fail me at the moment. I don't know how to describe it. To end the story, I forced what was bothering me from my mind, and improved my mental state. No real end or fixing of the issue, just made myself think of other stuff. Current Mood: tired
|Saturday, July 2nd, 2005|
|Friday, June 24th, 2005|
I've got another job interview at CCTV
. In t-minus 6 hours. They need a Network Admin/Tech support person. And goddamnit, they'll get one today. I need this job like China needs population control. I'm pretty damn sure I'm going to get lost finding the building. It's somewhere in Covington. And my past experiences with finding particular buildings in Convington has been none too positive. From looking at their webpage they sell security cameras and the like. That's pretty nifty. Should I actually get hired, I have no idea how I'm going to commute. I'll probably end up renting a hotel for a week while waiting on a first check. The hiring lady told me that their other Network/Tech person drives from Bogalusa everyday. If I get uberlucky this person will be nice enough to let me pay their fuel costs in exchange for a ride with them. Current Mood: tired
|Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005|
|Monday, June 6th, 2005|
Since when is the The Venture Brothers a MA rated show? I always thought it was 14 rated. Weird.
I have a job interview tomorow. For Radioshack. A nice do nothing job. Exactly what I want. I have to go visit the regional hiring manager for the interview. In goddamn Metairie. Metairie, for a minimum wage job. I hate
driving across the causeway. Far too long of a bridge. I'm not much looking forward to it. It's at 5:30pm. That means I'll be fighting evening traffic the whole way there. I should probably be asleep by now, but that never works. Nothing to say, nothing to do. Just passing time until sleepiness prevails on me once again. Current Mood: bored
|Saturday, June 4th, 2005|
I wrote this really long entry about my falling and busting my head while tripping. Then goddamn Livejournal decided to not like my post and erased it. It was really long and in detail. And there is now way in hell I'm typing it all back out again. So, I present the short version.
1. 50 grams of pure DXM arrived.
2. Devin, Chris, Joesph, Ben, and myself went on a binge to celebrate.
3. Pot was smoked.
4. More pot was needed, Ben and I went to go apprehend some.
5. Ben got sick and puked all over a Pentacostal church parking lot, as they were going into service. Humor at it's best.
6. In one 30 hour span, I consumed no less than 3.5 grams of DXM. With no sleep.
7. Towards the end. Kasey, Kandus, and Heather came buy to purchase goods.
8. On the way out to the car to help Kasey measure the doses, I fell in the ditch. No damage done.
9. Going back into the house, the same ditch presented a problem. This time I was not so lucky. Head was hit on tire rim. Didn't notice it was bad. DXM had numbed me out.
10. Kasey came inside to clean me the grass/dirt off of me. Upon cleaning, noticed massive amounts of blood coming from my head.
11. Friendly paramedic cleaned my wound. Told me to hold a cold compress on it and everything would be hunky dory.
12. Kasey and friends left to return home.
13. Kasey returns to find me semi conscious in the recliner, no pressure being applied. Blood pouring out in more amount now than earlier. Extreme loss of color in my face.
14. Hospital, ahoy!
15. Told doctor I had been drinking and had fallen. Story succesful.
16. Small patch shaved in my head. Six staples applied to wound. Again, didn't feel a thing.
17. Staples stayed in for a week or so. I wasn't paying a doctor to remove them. Kasey yanked them out for me. This hurt
like a bitch.
Lesson learned: Always wear a helmet.( Collapse ) Current Mood: annoyed
|Sunday, May 15th, 2005|
I wrote this and posted it in DXM communities. I'm putting it here so I don't lose it, and for those who haven't ever heard this story.
I haven't been active much lately, due to a loss of home and corresponding internet connection with it. However, I have the chance today, so I'm going to share one of my favorite DXM experiences with all of you. It was the winter of 2002. I was living in a itty bitty town in the south of Mississippi, called Poplarville (about 80 miles out of New Orleans for those of you who want a reference point). This is real country right here, 6 houses on my five mile road, which I lived at the end of. At the time I was working as a late night tech support supervisor for Gateway Computers. I worked 5pm till 1:30am. I get home one night, and my best friend is there. He wants to trip. We have no pure. So, it's off to Wal-Mart we go. The riders were Justin (best friend), Kasey (fiancee), and myself. 20 minute drive later, we're eating DXM. We ingest in the parking lot and back to the house we begin. Justin is driving my car, I always let him drive. We get about a mile up my road, and he veers slightly off the edge of it, while changing discs in the stereo. Nothing big, but then we hear that horrible "ba-dump, ba-dump" of a flat. The edge of the road must have ripped the wheel. Nothing big, spare in the trunk. Pull over and we examine the tires. Not one flat, but two. Goddamn. So, here we are, 2am, 3 miles from home, pitch dark road (no streetlights out here), no cell phone, dressed in pajamas (it was fucking cold), and 15 minutes from tripping. This is not a good situation to be in. So, we start walking. Knocking on every door we can. No one answers, of course. After knocking at the third house we get maybe 5 minutes away and see headlights pulling up in that drive way. "Salvation!" we think. Ohh were we wrong. At this point, about 30 minutes had transpired while we were walking, so we were good and loaded. We start running back to that house in hopes of catching who ever pulled up to ask them to let us use our phone. We get to almost back in front of their house when we see multiple bright lights coming from behind their house. People running with hunting flash lights, the kind that blind like fuck. We stop in the road and they meet us out there at a far distance, floodlighting us. Screaming at us how their grandmother lives there and they're going to fucking shoot us and how bad we scared her. We couldn't see their faces, or anything about them other than that there were 4 of them, and the outline of rifles or shotguns in their hands. We explained how we had flats and were just looking for someone to let us use a phone to call home and get a ride. They told us "Well, it ain't gonna be here so keep on walking." Justin screamed out "Fuck you you goddamn pricks!" We turned and started walking again. Needless to say, this was the scariest 5 minutes of my life. I seriously thought I was going to die at the hands of gun wielding rednecks. After about 10 more minutes someone FINALLY came down the road in a car, let us use their cell and I called home to my roommate Puppy, he came and picked us up. Went home and tripped the night away. The next morning, a cop showed up at my house at 7am to make sure I knew my car was down the road and that it hadn't been stolen or anything. All in all, a pretty weird night. Current Mood: high